Long time no see!!!
Good Morning everyone!! It has been quite some time since I have written, and this is only a fact because i forgot I had an online blog. LOL>… Thats just how my brain goes. But I am ready to continue what I once started.
I hope everyone is well. I have been fine. Just a major serious of ups and downs, all of which I will shed light on later. However, here is a post i put on my Facebook last June. I just woke up in the morning and had so much on my heart, so i unloaded like crazy. Happy reading!! If this is your first time or even revisit of this writing, please tell me what you think. Love you all..
______________________________________________________
It has been a while since I have posted anything and needless to say a lot has taken place since. Some mountain top experiences and some valleys, but I hope in the end I will be made stronger through it all.
As many of my friends may know, my life has never had a dull moment, only extreme situations. Some of the best and some of the worst, but maybe I will be stronger in the end.
Quick updates:
• Senior Recital
• Graduation from Southern Wesleyan University
• Coming out (scary, and freeing)
• Moved to San Francisco
• Creation of a new me. (happier me)
• Moved back to South Carolina (scary, and enslaving)
• Deconstruction of the me I built (not so good)
• Found new job, quit.
• Get other job, quit.
• Now have the job I always wanted, STAYING FOR GOOD!!! (big things will happen)
• Honest about who I am. (lose friends, gain new ones, in a valley)
And now:
• Beginning to tell all. (who knows what will happen)
I said earlier that I was being honest about who I am. For years I hid who I was, in hopes that maybe my conception of my identity was wrong. That I truly could be the person everyone wanted me to be, following the rules so closely there was no possible room for error, and surrounding myself only with people fitting in my identity circle. Basically putting on a mask every time I looked in the mirror, and erasing the true person under it all, a person of brilliant color (Joseph’s coat has nothing on the prism of my heart..lol..), great joy, and stamped with the thumb print of the most high. (not to mention excellent fashion…lol..)
From the beginning of my college career, I learned that to survive in bubble sphere you must quickly learn to read people and only do and say things that bring about a good reaction. So that is what I did, and I collected excellent results. Falling in love and giving my heart completely to those around me and making it to the top of many great groups, developing great relationships, and having some of the best friends anyone could ever ask for. Many I would lay my life down for to this day, even if they wouldn’t allow me back to their choirs.
I was on the inside with people of great power. People who use to call or text to share a prayer request, invite to an activity, or even have lunch to discuss the burden on their heart for another individual in the community. Through worried eyes and pressed lips they would share their fear of the path someone was on but never make an active step in understanding or knowing that persons heart. Just pray and watch is all that would happen. And now those people look at me with the same worried eyes and pressed lips. Why is it that the point of honesty is met with pressed lips and unusable gifts? From what I was taught it should be summed up as a sickness in the body, when the mouth is fully functional but the feet cannot move. Oh wait, there is a better name for sickness, the term is Paralyzed. Paralyzed church bodies.
Now I want to make an active step in letting everyone know that I am no longer a member of a paralyzed church. God loves all for who they are and what they can offer to his world. (the most beautiful thing a flower can offer to the world is to simply bloom) He knows the pain and hard ships we all face and he wants to love on us in ways we can never know. Until the paralyzed congregations begin to gain strength in their legs there will always be those on the outside searching, hoping, and removing the dust out of their eyes, while their brothers and sisters continue to ornament the beautiful cherry stained steaks placed in theirs.
This is only the beginning of many more post.. my journal is filled and ready to be emptied.. lol.. so know there are many with questions and comments, so please feel free to share your thoughts and concerns. I will happily answer them as best as I can.
Love you all..
Your thoughts